organize

We are in the throes of organizing things around here.  Organizing our trip itinerary, organizing our documents for the trip, organizing our shopping lists for the trip, organizing Tate’s room, organizing the stuff that now goes in the kitchen, or the bathroom, etc, etc.  

I have to tell you this is foreign.  Organizing things is not foreign, in fact it is something both Dan and I thrive while doing.  What feels foreign is WHAT we are organizing.  Baby things.  I’ve waited to do this for so long, and I thought that the day it actually happened I would be so excited.  I am excited, but it’s mixed with feelings of slight confusion.  I’ve lived 12 years with my husband, and things just “go” in certain places.  Now I have to move them, get rid of some things actually to make room for his things.  Bottles and sippy cups now reside in my kitchen cabinet next to my cups and plates.  Baby wash cloths and hooded towels now lie stacked next to my towels and cloths.  There is a dresser full of little clothing items, and a closet with toys and diapers.....

I can’t help but think that on an even deeper level I’ve been making room in my life for his life.  He will need so much from me, from us.  I’ve had to move some things around, and actually had to get rid of a lot of things to prepare for loving Tate.  Roots of bitterness, envy, even anger.  God has healed so many places in my battered heart, and I do believe that a little boy can take up residence there.  He’ll be in good company, my husband, my friends and family, and most importantly my God live there.  God’s been making room in there for Tate for a LONG time.  I’m scared a little by how vulnerable I feel, but I know that this is good, that it’s the right time, and that I can do it.  Can’t wait to meet my little face in two and a half weeks.  Please keep praying!