tales of a slightly neurotic mommy...

I was just blessed by having a really sweet play date with a "new" friend and her kids. I'm starting to think play dates are like a masters class in parenting. At least for me they are.  I swear no matter how well I think my kid is doing socially, all it takes is a play date with some new friends to show me how far we have to go. Don't get me wrong, all in all they played together famously, and the mommies even got a few words in edgewise so that we could delve into the wide "unknown" of each other's stories.

But there were those moments where my little one decided to impress his new friends by licking them, spitting apple juice on the floor, or screaming at an ear splitting pitch just for fun. These are the times I realize we have a long way to go socially. Sharing toys is definitely another story all together.  I know, I know, it's normal, especially for two testosterone filled, three year old boys! They started to play together fabulously right before it was time for them to go. Of course.

My introverted nature usually wimps out of these kinds of get together opportunities, so I am abundantly glad she suggested it and that we persisted until it happened.

After the party was over, my mind started racing. We briefly touched on it in our short intermittent conversations (between praising and correcting our kids), and I think she would agree with me on this - there is such an unbelievable societal pressure for kids to do more, be more, achieve more, and know more at an earlier age than seems attainable. I'm sure at first it stemmed from America's competition with other countries who seem to have higher academic excellence, but it's seeped it's way into everyday people, normal families and I'll be honest - into me. As I watched myself (inwardly) parent Tate, I realized I expect him to be perfect, and a LOT more mature than he physically and emotionally is.

However, whenever I realize how much of a perfectionist I am, it makes me want to REBEL against myself and against culture as a whole.

I want Tate to be allowed to be a kid as long as he possibly can. But I gotta be real here, I've already succumbed to some of these pressures. I felt like he HAD to be completely potty trained by 3 yrs of age. The more moms I talk to, the more I'm convinced this is true: EVERY kid learns at a different pace, and gets part of the process at different times. There is NO perfect method, and NO deadline for it. Let's be honest, who is really being trained, the parents or the kids when it comes to the potty? A little bit of both right?

How about the pressure to either home school your kids, or get them in preschool before 4 years of age? There is absolutely nothing wrong with choosing to home school your child or putting them into school early on if you feel they are ready for it, but why do we feel we have to? Will they really be ruined if they can't read sight words or do math problems by the time they enter pre-K or Kindergarten?

Maybe I'm just over sensitive to these issues, or perhaps my insecurities, anxieties, or neurotic tendencies get the best of me, but I really do feel these pressures from time to time in different circles that I traverse.

Here's what I pray about.

God, please give me the strength to be exactly the mother that Tate needs. Help me to encourage him appropriately, hold him accountable to behaviors that will help him succeed in all of life, and most of all teach Him to rely on You. Let me be unswayed by the popular opinions of the day and be more tender towards Your will for His life. Help me to let him be a little boy, let him be messy, let him be silly or scared, and let him learn at his own pace. Haven't we all been allowed this freedom in You? Finally, Lord, will you give us the maturity to let our friends have these freedoms too? Can you show us how to be tolerant of other's choices in parenting and let go of the curse of comparison? May we strive for Godliness in our children more than the societal pressures of excellence. You are perfect, we are not, holiness is our desire, nothing else. Thanks for loving us no matter who we are, what we think, or how we act. You're amazing that way. In Your name I pray, amen.