the power of the check in

Tate has always been that kid that needs lots of reassurance. This need mixed with his compulsion for daredevil stunts. Ahhh, my head shakes in disbelief at this irony.

So, often he checks, double checks, and then one more time checks on my answer about something. If I could count the "Mommy, I love you-s" (spoken with wide open eyes asking if I love him too) before, during and after gymnastics, Sunday school, or regular school. 

Mommy will I love Transformers for my whole life? Can God really do anything? Will we always be a family?

Sometimes I answer him through an exasperated sigh. Other times I answer with glassy eyes ready to spill over with tears. 

His insecurity is so normal for his age and yet there's a little extra emotion due to his story. His loss. Sometimes, just one more check in with me takes care of the anxiety. In fact I can see the relief in his eyes when he hears the response he's looking for, it's automatic. The unconditional love of a parent, (despite my intermittent huffs on repeat) is crucial for his growth. 

You can probably tell where this is going right? We do the same thing as believers...I sure do. My insecurity is normal yet there's extra emotion due to my story. 

There's nothing revolutionary in my thoughts here, just an admittance of my utter need for reassurance. God's mercy is new everyday. For real. Every day. His unconditional love is integral for my trust growth. He knows that. He relishes in every check in. He lavishes His grace every single time. What I'm really trying to say is that it's ok. Give yourself some grace as well. No good comes out of beating yourself up on this one. Keep your eyes focused on Him. He's got this. He's got you. 

You may be surprised as your trust in His character grows larger, your insecurities get smaller. It just works like that. 

Unless of course you're a neurotic mess like me. Just kidding. No really I'm kidding. One more time, it was just a joke. ;-)