a tale of mending

A few months ago, I mentioned that I was completing a project very dear to my heart. It's finally done. To see it come to fruition is a lifelong dream. But not in the way I expected. Actually I don't really think I expected it at all, let alone the way it came to be.

The better part of 15 years ago, Dan and I started trying to build a family. From the years 2001 to 2007 I had a series of four miscarriages. They were all at different weeks of gestation and caused by different reasons. Two were most likely from chromosomal abnormality, and two were possibly related to a weak cervix. That third pregnancy really got our hopes up though. I made it to 18 weeks and we were doing great. For reasons unbeknownst to us, I went into premature labor and delivered little Zoe Grace at our home (at the time) in Coon Rapids, MN.

What happened next for me was a battle with depression. I say battle because I didn't want to admit that I was in one. At the urging of loving people in my life I started seeing a really good counselor. My heart was broken. Dreams I'd had since childhood were just out of reach. I was faced with the reality that those dreams may never be fulfilled. Then my hands and heart came across a book that I'd put off reading for a long time. It was in a style I knew I would love, but for reasons that I now know were from my Loving Father, I hadn't read it YET. I began to read it and it revealed to me with amazing accuracy a version of myself. The book was Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard. It's an allegory, where real emotions and experiences are characters that speak and help navigate the story.

After completing it I wasn't magically over my pain, but I had a place deep down inside that was beginning to heal. I decided to give my own story a try in this format. I wrote the bulk of it in a short amount of time, but got rather stuck just after my last miscarriage.  I think the end of the story was hard to write because I hadn't lived it yet.

I've written a book called A Tale of Mending. I asked an author friend of mine to read it and write a foreword for me. A close friend helped me with the cover art. I published it through a website on my own. I want it to be a remembrance for me as I look back at what my life giving, heart mending Heavenly Father walked me through. I would also love if my story could be a tool for God to use to encourage others finding themselves in a similar place. I have a limited number of physical copies available for local friends to purchase. Anyone else may buy a copy or one for a friend at the link provided on this page. Simply click on the thumbnail cover photo (on the right), and Lulu.com will print and send your order in a timely fashion. It's kind of surreal to me that this project was completed in time for October's Stillbirth, Infant Loss, and Miscarriage Awareness month. God knew about that. I didn't even know it existed. Maybe you can help someone else break their own silence and start talking about what they've gone through or are currently experiencing. We can't get through this life without our arms around each other in support!

God bless you all! You're the best family and friends EVER. Many of you have a had a part to play in my mending heart and I'll be forever grateful.

Angie

Here's a short description of the story:

A Tale of Mending follows the story of Broken Heart as she struggles to understand deep truths about how sorrow and joy are intimately connected. As she wrestles with the understanding that all of life’s events - including suffering - are sifted through the hands of the One True and Loving Heart, she begins to understand her path more fully. Along the road, Broken Heart interacts with characters like Grief, Cursed Comparison, Patience, and Caring Compassion. Each of them, in their own unique way, assists her in a deeply spiritual journey marked by confusion and fear. Could Loving Heart's plan be more intricate and exciting than her own? 

This touching allegory portrays every heart’s desire to be loved deeply by its Creator and to be mended after breaking.