one who weeps

After a time, Broken Heart sat up on her couch and looked out the window at the softly falling snow. She felt a comfort like she had never known before. She had felt like a pawn in the great big fallen world in which she lived. She had questioned One True and Loving Heart’s motives, as if He had to explain to her His reasoning for certain events to have come her way. Deep down inside herself, she realized the truth. She had been angry with Him.

She was one of the best at disguising her anger towards Loving Heart. She explained it away on so many different occasions, and in so many different ways. “Loving Heart is sovereign, He knows what He’s doing. His ways are higher than mine. He is ultimately in control.”

These statements, though somewhat cliche, were all true. In spite of that fact, Broken Heart spoke them through gritted teeth and false smiles. All the while holding a piece of her wounded and resentful self back from truly believing them. One True and Loving Heart took all the fear that was holding her back from accepting her own journey tonight and replaced it with love. Perfect love knows how to drive out fear. Just like the snow covered the dirtiness of the earth, she was going to let His love, His grace-filled, all-encompassing love, mend her broken heart.

I'm almost done with this series of posts on A Tale of Mending. Today I come to chapter 8, One Who Weeps. I've almost felt guilty posting these for whomever might be reading them because they have such a dark sadness tinging them. I hope you hear the thread of hope. The hope and encouragement I received, burst into a joy and lightness I had never known.

Prior to that joy however, I disguised a thinly veiled anger towards God. I gotta admit very honestly that I think most Christians are really good at this. We don't like to admit that when His will doesn't line up with ours that we really get mad inside about it. We don't want to own to the fact that we got a problem with the "big man in charge." We feel like we will be struck with lightning, knuckles rapped with a ruler or some other form of punishment. What we fail to realize is that He welcomes the dialogue. He already knows EVERYTHING. He's omniscient. What He's allowed to sift down to us, affects us, and He gets it. After all, He was human at one point. He understands our emotion. He created it. It's beautiful to Him. So when others tell you, "hey, God can handle your anger!" They are right.

Bring it all before Him. Enjoy the friendship with Him that allows for that. Sit with Him in silence. I promise it's not silent for long. Your heart and soul will be flooded with words of Truth. Let us not hold back all that makes us what we are from the One that made us all that we are. The gritty parts of our life give Him a place to work. Have you ever given thought to the idea that God might just weep with you? That He may allow things that break His heart to achieve things He loves? There's very little in this life other than suffering that allow us to identify with what Christ went through on the cross. I know, that brings little encouragement, but in a weird way it did for me. It assured me my life wasn't an accident. What happened to me mattered. I wasn't a pawn in a great big broken world. There was intentionality and design in my pain, it was shaping my broken heart into a thing of beauty. Redeemed and complete in Him.

"Who can speak and have it happen if the Lord has not decreed it? 

Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that both calamities and good things come?

Lamentations 3: 37-38