beginning of the mend

http://sarah-wade.blogspot.com/2008/11/mended-heart.html

I've got a bit of writer's block on this one. Perhaps it's because for all intents and purposes this post closes a chapter for me. A first real telling of the story that I hold so incredibly dear, is over. I think the reason I entitled this chapter the Beginning of the Mend because subconsciously I knew God was going to do something bigger with this part of me.

I am constantly amazed at how God can take something that was initially painful, life altering and bitter, and turn it into a catalyst for healing in other's lives. This is His business. Always making old things new. Turning mourning into dancing. Replacing years locust's have eaten, with joy and gladness.

When I penned the last few lines of my little book I felt an expectancy. At first I only thought I'd order a few copies for myself to keep as a momento of the life I experienced prior to motherhood. Then I felt the tugging of the Holy Spirit to allow for a little more. I decided to put it out there and let it go. I felt safe enough to allow my brokenness to be read by another and hopefully speak as a whisper in their ear, "you're not alone." "I too have been there, in the depths where you may be, questioning all kinds of things."

Here I am today on the precipice of a new calling. Two friends and I have been working on some ideas for a ministry to women affected by miscarriage or stillbirth. It's in the infancy stages but we're getting there. I'm astonished to see God's hand in all of it. I shouldn't be...as this kid who has been through all kinds of adventures with this King...I should know this is the very thing of which He is capable. But then, He allows me to (in hushed awe) discover anew who and what He really is. He shows me just enough to keep me in motion, but not enough to scare me.

So I keep following, one step after another. I'm fully aware that another break may happen to this old heart of mine, but this time I'm assured of whose strong hand will heal it.